Not News Archives

Not The KD News - Week Ending 25th August 2007


Picture of MarigoldSome of you couldn't see the link between Global Warming and the poor summer in last weeks NTKDN. Global warming puts more energy into the atmosphere making it more turbulent and chaotic. This upsets our normal weather patterns, giving us freak events like Summer in April and winter in August.

We received no feedback regarding the new "Diary" format of this publication, so we assume you're all happy with it? One person, who models for Tena-Lady and reputedly keeps his meat and two veg in a Tupperware container, said he thought the quality of journalism had slipped. Unfortunately, times are tight, and we can only afford to employ an unpaid half-wit journalist. If you can do better, why not join the editorial "team"?

Sunday 19th August

Not much happening this morning. Scotty does a couple of tests, then Marigold talks with G4RVH/M from west Cumbria, who's on a caravan site in Broadway. They QSY to 70cm but couldn't make contact. The Omnipresent Vicar joins them on 70cm, but couldn't make contact either. He and Marigold chat for a while, then Scotty joins in to ask the Vicar some technical questions, and Marigold departs for coffee. Shortly afterwards, Flt Lt. Kevin G0TPZ/M puts out a few calls, on his way to the airfield. He's 37 today - Happy Birthday to you, squashed tomatoes and spew....

Ozzy FlagFrom 2pm onwards, it's Ozzy Afternoon. Paul VK2FPAC, from Western Australia calls Toby and gets no answer, but Kevin G0TPZ answers him. They exchange weather reports, then The Cradley Heathen 2E0FGT joins them. Paul's biggest fan, The Vicar joins in whilst on his way to Stourbridge. Paul treats us to a fascinating lecture on how cars are recycled, and how you can't use rubber twice, so there's a big surplus of scrap rubber. Australia is slowly disappearing under a mountain of old car tyres, so the ozzies are having to come up with innovative ways to use them. According to Paul, strips of car tyre are woven together to form doormats. Tyres are fast becoming the new corrugated iron. We disgustedly wonder how they recycle their condoms? Frankfurter skins perhaps?

Paul's still on at 5pm. By now, we've had in-depth talks about food, recycling, electronics, radios, lathes, tyres, franfurters, sausuages, and barbecues, to name just a few. Other ozzies join the net. The Vicar returns from Stourbridge at 5:30 and Paul is STILL on! Nigel M3UFK joins the net, and KD finally goes silent at 5:55pm when the last ham slumps lifeless over a hot 2m rig, bleeding from the ears.

At 6:30pm G4OCH comes on via Echolink, asking for reports. No-one answers. You're a bit weak and crackly Kuith!

An hour later, Graham 2E0GAT connects via Echolink and lurks. Toby G4YGT calls him and Graham asks for an audio report. He's using a computer in the house instead of the one in his workshop which had lots of packet loss. His son Matthew 2E0MJT had moved the router, to see if it would help. There's no packet loss, but he sounds all distant, wooly and quiet. It also makes him sound like a Brummie! "Put the 300 ohm filter in" says Toby, meaning the 300 Hertz filter.

The kids go on holiday next weekend, so Graham and his wife will have the house to themselves, and are planning a dirty weekend at home. He promises to let us have the photos for Not The KD News.

After this afternoon's discussions, tyres seem to be on people's minds. Graham said he ruined a tyre with a big nail (You're supposed to put nails in wood Graham, not tyres). Toby says VK2FPAC could "talk the leg off an iron pot", then goes on to say he hopes it's raining for his MOT tomorrow, so it drips on the testers, and maybe they won't bother so much. You've got it so wrong Toby... A wet Monday morning is the WORST time for an MOT, 'cos the buggers are miserable at having to come back to work after the weekend. The best time is a sunny Friday afternoon, when they're all looking forward to blowing their wages on swillies and curry.

At 19:55 Andy G7KPF using an Alinco DR75 asks for a signal report, and gets one from Toby. The Vicar come on. Andy mentions a yaesu HF rig, so The Vicar mentions his latest hobbyhorse, the "FoxTango" website. Ray 2E1HTU comes on, and the Vicar abruptly goes off to Skype.

At 20:30 Lee G4PTX calls M3NFL via echolink, and gets no answer but is answered by Toby. They talk a little about Bromsgrove. Lee knows Graham and Matthew. 20 minutes later, Andy G7KPF calls in, and Toby invites him to talk to "Lee in Newquay". At first we think Toby is spreading misinformation as usual, because the last time we heard Lee, he lived in Redditch. A suitably scathing comment is written into NTKDN, but has to be removed when we discover that Lee really HAS moved to St Columb Major, Cornwall! M3JJT joins in at 21:05, and The Vicar laughs at the latest copy of Not The KD news. Putting a smile on the Grumpy Vicar's face is a major achievement!

Worzel G4YGT once again promises to send Marigold the "Ode to Marigold" and the "Ode to Eddie" to Charlotte for publication. But we don't suppose we'll ever see it. After all, the Internet "costs a penny a minute you know". He's sitting with his legs crossed, and has to end the QSO to "go to little boys room". "Don't put that on the web site Madam!", he says.

Meanwhile, Marigold is feasting on lamb-burgers, and an evening of Big Brother programmes.

Late in the evening, The Vicar spends about an hour and a half in QSO with The Cradley Heathen. He leaves around 11:45pm, leaving Mark talking at length with Tony M0TMF. Tony's mate, who was in the shack with him, expressed an interest in Mark's HF rig, and the sale was more or less arranged on 'KD, which finally goes silent at 12:40

Monday 20th August

At 10:45, The Vicar talks about caravans with Mark G0WCI. They sound so fed up! People shouldn't be so miserable on KD, it brings everyone down.

Scotty calls at 11:10, with a barely recognisable signal, all buzzing and crackling and wind-rushing. Marigold tells him he's probably got RF feedback, so he takes his rig out of his bag and the problem goes away. He's in Kidderminster walking to Maplin. He talks with Marigold for 10 minutes, then goes in to trawl for bargains.

At 11:30, self-confessed Luddite Dave G0EVY, talks with Scotty about his crackly "telephone lines". He says he needs a "master plate" (that's the "clean" version of what it sounded like!) Scotty describes a telephone master socket. He advises dialing 17070 for a ringback and quiet line test.

The Vicar comes on, advising Dave to disconnect all extensions because BT will charge 90 quid callout fee if they didn't install them, even if they're only plugged into the master socket. Jim G3ZQQ comes on and says a "master socket" is now called a "line box". Half of BT's former employees are now on KD! Jim says 17070 should strictly speaking only be used by engineers. Just dial a single digit and you get a quiet line anyway. Dave signed off at Droitwich saying he was going out of range, but he was solid signal at Chateau Impney.

At 11:48, Ernie G0BAM comes on sounding almost unrecognisable, just a whisper. He'd had a violent coughing fit last night and is totally hoarse today. He can only say a few words at a time. Getting up & down stairs is knocking him around, so he's decided to stay upstairs. After a long battle with Vista, he's given up with it, and is having it removed from his PC. He chats with Jim G3ZQQ about Vista. Jim had been to PC world and was impressed with Vista. Ernie said the security is just too tight. For example, the driver for his graphics card was not "signed", so Vista automatically removed the driver while he watched helplessly.

Jim observes that, with Ernie whispering, and all this talk about tight security, anyone who'd switched on in the last couple of minutes would wonder what the hell was going on! The QSO ends at 11:57am.

A minute later, GeeWonDeeCeeYouMobilay calls Ben M3KTT via the MB7ICY link, to say he'll be home soon, then he'll take Ben to get his glasses sorted out. There are very few words from Ben, and the QSO only lasts 2 minutes.

At 12:10, Bob 2E0XJS tries some DTMF's, and gets no answer. Marigold calls him, and they have a ten minute QSO, then Marigold goes to hang out the washing. Whilst doing so, she has a long QSO with The Vicar about computer memory, the rubbishy parcel service, the complaints about NTKDN etc.

Paul GeeWonDeeCeeYouNotMobilay joins in at 13:15 and asks about the usual router and Echolink problem. Marigold directs him to She's trying to get away, but G4EUA/M calls her, then Monsieur Jerry VA3JET connects. Everyone disappears, leaving Marigold with Jerry. She's getting ever more frustrated because she wants to get away, but doesn't want to be rude to Jerry. This is what always happens when she gets on the repeater, a morning's energy gone, and a raddled brain. She has a QSO with Jerry, then goes QRT. Jerry calls loads of people but gets no reply, and KD finally goes silent at 13:30.

At 14:30 The Vicar talks with Scotty G0EWH for 1/2 hour about technical stuff.

At 5pm G0WPB/M (nicknamed "Waste Paper Basket") calls G1LOP, but get no reply.

17:45 - 2E0GYZ calls in via Echolink, and The Vicar answers him. M3RZF jumps in and asks if there is a problem with eQSO today, as he can't transmit. The Vicar is going North on the A449 and states (aptly) "I'm over the hill", and uses it as an excuse to sign out. Scotty calls him, then says "QRX" and disappears, never to return!

Later, Gary M0TTX calls, and is answered by The Butcher of Birchen Coppice (nicknamed Tony). Gary is pleased to see himself mentioned twice in last week's KD news! They depart for tea.

At 8pm, V1CAR/M is talking with George JaitJaaaaaayBeePee about HF aerials, 5rv's, baluns, inverted V's etc. Alex M0XLE/M calls in from one of The Vicar's favourite places, Hooties in Willenhal, using a monster 7 foot aerial. He's a good signal!

El Vicar and G8J.....BP reminisce about taking the RAE together at Bridgnorth college in 1973. George, who's 5 years younger than The Vicar, used to go there on a motorbike, or in his dad's pickup. It had been a hot summer's day, and they took the exam in the top classroom. The Vicar says he can remember 40 years ago, but not what he did this morning! The Dragon says that's because he's on the radio too much. The Vicar decides to perform some pastoral duties, and calls in at Bob G1LOP's to see how he is getting on after his recent spell in hospital.

Shortly afterwards, The Vicar returns and reports that Bob's at home, improving slowly, eating better, but very tired and spending a lot of time in bed.

Then they continue talking about HF loops, departing at 8:30 for their tablets.

Half an hour later, Ernie whispers in depth about pensions, and money, and times out a lot. "Vallium Kid" M0UCK joins in. He's got a damaged cruciate ligament and will soon have to go into hospital for an op on his knee.

Monsieur Jerry de SarniaMonsieur Jerry joins at 21:50, and says he caught a coon last night. Jerry says he was big and mad (and the coon was quite large too!). It was the second one in the last couple of weeks. Every time he catches one in a trap he has to pay the rodent man to have it removed. The Vicar wonders if the rodent man is letting them out so he can catch them all over again?

The Vicar says he's sat in a rabbit hutch up the garden. Andrea's taken in all the stray dogs and cats, and has banished him to the hutch, complete with the Professor's recommended new diet of lettuce and carrots!

Fred The Flange says he owns a lead mine. The Vicar says Fred's a philanthropist, with the emphasis on the "pist".

Tuesday 21st August

Worzel, aka Timeout Trev, aka Toby, aka G4YGT, at workAt 11am 2E0XJS calls, and Toby answers. Toby's car got through the MOT yesterday, but it cost him 240 for the service and MOT. He'd got a faulty rear screen washer. He doubts the usefulness of MOT's and thinks it's a money making scheme by the Government. "And the garages!", adds Bob.

Talking about vehicle problems, Bob says he recently had a stone chipping embedded in his mirror. Toby had a crack in his windscreen, but got it fixed by RAC with some sort of cement. Toby thinks it's false economy putting stone chippings on roads, because they all scrub off on the corners. He then reports that Bob G1LOP had Pneumonia.

Moving on to the recent hotel fire in Newquay, Bob can't believe that the fire inspectors passed it with a wooden fire escape. And questions will be asked, because there were only two turntable ladders in Cornwall and they were both out of action. Toby thinks sprinklers should be compulsory in all large buildings. Toby's over lasts 3.5 minutes and he times out.

Everywhere that Bob usually visits has been affected by the floods, so he hasn't been out much. He doesn't like going to places that have been affected because it might seem ghoulish.

MB7IBA connects, and Toby says the Barry *Repeater* has connected. Then he calls it *GB7*IBA - two pieces of misinformation in one over!

The Vicar says that the name of the next hurricane will start with an E, and explains that they are named sequentially. Didn't we all know that anyway? "I gotta get out of here" he says.

Bob and Toby gripe about the prices of stuff, and how we're being swindled by the government, supermarkets and petrol companies.. Toby advocates a 2 day "don't buy petrol" protest. But it's probably hopeless. "We protest, but they just ride out the storm, then it's all back to normal and forgotten about." Bob says there are only 10,000 petrol stations left in the UK. Toby recites all the local ones that have disappeared. There are now none between Bewdley and Highley, so Toby keeps his car filled up.

At 11:58, Bob's wife has come home, so he must go. Toby departs for the "CO" to find something for dinner. As usual, Bob thanks Marigold for the use of the repeater.

The Cradley Heathen makes a couple of calls, but gets no answer.

At 12:47, a Shark surfaces and growls a bit, then descends back to the deep.

Geoff G4EUA/M calls from the M5 near Frankley at 13:10, and The Vicar answers. Geoff suddenly disappears, never to return. The Vicar calls Marigold to talk about Sharks. GeeWonDeeCeeYouMobilay joins in. he's off for 5-6 weeks with cracked ribs - is this catching (G4OCH has got cracked ribs too)? After a while, Marigold has to depart for a phone call.

The Vicar has a QSO with Kuith, who's probably on his way back from the "Courtyard caff". The Vicar asks if anyone in Kuiths family is interested in radio, as he thought Kuith had a Radio Ham son. Keith denies this, then asks The Cradley Heathen (who's completely blind) if he's got a callbook to look something up in! Keith argues that he speaks better than The Vicar, and The Cradley Heathen says that Dave M0IBC is a "Yam Yam". Dave then QSY's with The Vicar for audio tests.

GeeWonDeeSeeYouMobilay calls in from "near the RAC building", but doesn't make it clear whether it is the one in Bristol or somewhere else?

At 3:45 G4HLM calls via RF and has a QSO with someone.

Dodgy Trev 2E0OBJ calls The Cradley Heathen, but gets no reply.

Ernie G0BAM is still having difficulty speaking. He's now got a chest infection, and is on antibiotics. He gives The Vicar an update on space shuttle, and everyone tunes into NasaTv to watch the landing.

Scotty G0EWH in uniformScotty and Phil G4SPZ have a qso about amplifiers, valves, vintage radios etc. till 5.55, then Scotty signs off. The Vicar appears and talks with Phil about chucking out old stuff, and where are all the old local stalwarts of ham radio? All this time, Marigold was cleaning. She got water in rig and it went wonky, for the umpteenth time. She'll never learn that water and rigs don't mix! Phil cleared at 18:15, then Gary M0TTX came on and had a word with The Vicar.

There's probably a "Bitterverlifton", because there are signals from distant lands holding the repeater open. There's speculation about a new repeater coming on, GB3JB in Wiltshire, and whether or not this could be the problem.

Fred The Flange suggests we should have a computer forum on KD, and says "No-one wants to know about radios, we know all that. Radios are old hat." The Vicar retorts "The rig this way would be a pentium 4."

Fred then gains the nickname "Spacebar Fred", because he keeps forgetting to unkey. "Timeout Trev" is so yesterday!

There ensues a discussion about favourite foods. The Vicar calls Toad in the hole, "Frog In A Bog". The Cradley Heathen says, "Wor, I ay ad that since i wor at skool". "Yo needed an ommer to bost it". The Vicar's favourite meal is mincemeat and white cabbage. He used to like a dripping sandwich with beetroot, but isn't allowed beetroot any more. Mark likes thick onion gravy, and roast tatties done in goose fat. He goes on to say, "I ad some bostin vittels for mah tea ar did. Spaghetti bolognese. Me dad sed, it looks like yo've got suntan round ya gobhole."

Spacebar Fred says, "Packet radio is bloody old hat! There used to be 12 commandments, but they had to scrub two. I'm not saying which ones over an intergalactic repeater. The yanks have a CB'er running the country". Random!

There's then a discussion about Florence Nightingale, followed by an outbreak of singing. All the dogs start howling, and GeeWonDeeCeeYou starts yodelling. The Vicar calls him "Mister RAC", which is supposed to be an insult because Paul works for the AA. Paul shouts too much, so he overloads his rigs and we can't tell what he's saying half the time.

Fred says, "Put talcum powder on to find the damp patch". The Vicar says, "Oh that's how the blind do it?". Then he says he hopes that gets onto the news. He then says "I gotta go, Andreas gonna kill me". The Cradley Heathen says, "Yo ay gonna get no sex tonight kid!" The Vicar replied, "I aint had no sex for ten years!". Welcome to the school of double negatives!

M1BVT/M calls at 00:50 from M5/M42 and chats to The Cradley Heathen, and GeeWonDeeCeeYouMobilay who's a rotten signal. It's Paul's 2nd day back at work. Marigold has a word, then M1BVT/M QSY's to GB3CF. Marigold continues with Mark and Paul. Paul arrives home at 01:30. Marigold and The Cradley Heathen chat about audio, into the wee small hours.

Wednesday 22nd August

At 11:30am Gary 2E0GAZ connects via Echolink, and The Vicar calls him. Gary disconnects, then comes up on RF and calls. The Vicar answers, and they go to "The Usual".

After making a few unanswered general calls, Kuith G4OCH calls Marigold at 11:52 and asks her a question about connect/disconnect announcements. Scotty G0EWH comes on and asks if the KD website is OK, because it wasn't working last night?

At 12:25, M3RZF calls Dave G0IBD and gets no answer.

13:00 Dodgy Trev, G4OBJ goes to Stourport.

At 13:30 Monsieur Jerry VA3JET connects and calls various people but gets no answer. So Marigold calls him, and they talk for a while. The Vicar calls in as they were signing off and confesses that he's been listening all the while. GRR! so why didn't you answer Jerry then?

He keeps Marigold talking for another hour, and she begins to get irritable because she's got too much else to do. QSO topics included the new GB3JB and its effect on KD, possibly upping the power of KD, and the detrimental effect on reciprocality, especially for handhelds. The Vicar says there aren't that many handheld users anyway. Marigold says we probably have more handheld users than some repeaters have users!

Then the Vicar gets onto his latest topic about why there is no activity. Where is everyone? Marigold said they're on Skype, Echolink, CQ100, Email, text, telephones, newsgroups, MSN, forums and web browsing. There are too many things to take up one's time. Speaking of which, she shouldn't be on the rig now. All the time, Paul 2E0MHZ is listening and typing comments to The Vicar on Skype. Marigold says there's proof, of what she was saying. He should be talking not Skyping. Skype is the devil's tool!

Kuith G4OCH calls after Marigold has signed off, and The Vicar ignores him.

At 15:10 Phil G4JCP calls G0EWH and gets no reply.

A bit later, G4EUA talks with Jim G3ZQQ and explains why he suddenly disappeared yesterday - he was pulled over by the police, had his tacho checked and had to rearrange his load. He was delayed by hours. So there wasn't a fault on KD after all!

Picture of Phil - wwooo, scary!Phil G4SPZ/M goes to Stourbridge and Scotty G0EWH has a long QSO with him about technical stuff.

At 19:45, Kuith G4OCH calls Marigold and warns her that someone from NTKDN may be listening, then offers her the HB9CV that he'd offered to Kevin recently. Kevin had fixed his dipole and didn't take Keith up on the offer. Marigold accepts, and Keith gets worried that Marigold will be disappointed when she meets him. He was going to drop it outside and run! Scotty says "Oh good, I can have miy HB9CV back now!"

The Vicar calls in, and complains that NTKDN and the rogues gallery are biased. Marigold asks him to explain. The Vicar thinks that certain passages are all about him, when in fact they were inspired by Mister X from Hornerbrook. But as they say... "If the cap fits...!" The voices are telling us that Vicca is paranoid.

According to Vicca, Mucker has taken offence at NTKDN too - which we find hard to believe as he hasn't been on KD, therefore hasn't even been mentioned. More likely he's narked because Spacebar Fred allegedly called him a "fat bastard" on Skype!

Ernie G0BAM comes on, still clearly finding it difficult to speak. He now can't have his urgent operation until September, because of the bank holiday! What sort of health service is that! He tells Dave all about split house wills, while Marigold goes off to cook a curry and watch Vicca's favourite programme - Big Brother.

Scotty tests a microphone. It sounds exactly the same as his other one.

Keith admits he's 19.5 stones. That'll be all those McDonalds then!

At 11:30pm there's a discussion about the meaning of the word "Fanny". The Cradley Heathen says we spend 9 months trying to get out of one, and men spend the rest of their lives trying to get back up one. Vicar reveals that Fat Fanny's chippy is now the Golden Friar - aint dat da Vicca wid a sun tan? Vicca says he likes waitress service. He also says, "I prefer to eat out, it's cheaper than having fish and chips" Duh?

Thursday 23rd August

At the ungodly hour of 9:30am, G4OCH calls Marigold on his way to Brum, but she's not awake yet! He chats with The Vicar about the TV series "The Dustbin Men" of 30 years ago. Vicca said he hadn't seen it, and telly wasn't a significant part of his life. So he doesn't watch Time Team, Big Brother and The History Channel then?

11:30am - VICCA/M talks with The Cradley Heathen and GeeWonDeeSeeYouMobilay. It's like Emergency Ward 10 with all the talk about ailments, pills, blood sugar etc! Kuith G4OCH calls in and gets directed to Marigolds by Vicca to get his mug shot taken for the KD rogues gallery.

It's too far for him to walk up the drive, so he stays talking in the street for 15 minutes. Can you imagine what that does for Marigold's street cred? It's a quiet neighbourhood, with eyes and ears behind every set of net curtains, and a major gossip-monger within earshot. And when we say gossip-monger, you can't believe how evil she is, and how far she spreads her tripe!!

So, try and see it from a woman's point of view.... Marigold meets a strange man in the street, takes his photo and stands around for ages, chatting in front of a mobile porcupine, whilst clutching a large spiky aluminum thing. God knows what will be made of that on the local gossip round! Why do all Marigold's radio friends insist on holding meetings at full volume in public?

GeeWonDeeSeeYouMobilay is on a link, and moans that people aren't leaving long enough gaps for him to get in. He suggests increasing the delay before the K. Marigold says that people already complain that it's too long, and suggests leaving an extra delay in addition to the K. Vicca gets all pedantic and leaves a ridiculously long gap after every K, so the QSO falls apart. Why is it so difficult? All you have to do is leave a longer gap once in a while - you don't have to do it after every over! Men!

2:05 pm - Bob G1LOP calls WastePaperBasket/M, and they have a QSO. They'd had a QSO this morning, but the repeater had been playing up - the squelch had possibly been held open by lift conditions. Bob is still not well, and has lots of medicine to take. They have a discussion about 'SV, and whether it would be any use to Bob. He says he's listened for ages, but hasn't heard anyone on it.

WPB is getting something sent from Portsmouth and LOP says "There's some very dodgy things come out of Portsmouth - as you know!" (But WE don't - we're intrigued!!!) Bob's wife keeps saying things and WPB says Bob has an echo wehich has a rather feminine sound to it!

Carolyn G6WRW calls at 14:30 on her way to Worcester in her camper van. She chats with Marigold till 3.05, then gets accosted by VK2FPAC and KT1NG

John G1STL is on Clee hill, chatting with Jim G3ZQQ and Kuith G4OCH. Kuith bows out because his medication is making him drowsy. John and Jim then QSY to the Wooferton repeater. Spoilsports!

9pm - The Vicar and The Cradley Heathen are chatting. The Vicar says he grew up in a rough place and was "Ard". The Cradley Heathen said "round 'ere they all wanna be gang members, but there'll never be another Reggie and Ronnie". The Vicca moans about yet another person who he finds difficult to copy while mobile (get a better mobile setup Dave, we can hear them OK!!) Very Nice Man Paul comes in via a repeater in North Wales. He's on his way to Holyhead and signs GeeDubbleYouWonDeeSeeYouMobilaaay...

Friday 24th August

Toby is a very weak signal today - it seems like his aerial has fallen over into the horizontal position again. This is the man who pontificates about gain aerials, yet he can never get a decent signal into 'KD!

Ken M0ABF repeatedly called Kuith G4OCH throughout the morning, but wasn't sucessful

It's very quiet on KD this morning. Due to the good weather, it seems half the population are going away for the bank holiday, and the other half are outside enjoying the sun. All except The Vicar, who hates the sun. But he can't resist the urge to get on the road, so he takes The Dragon to the hairdressers. Oh well, it's an excuse to get rid of some of that dratted diesel that's clogging up his tank!

Rather than hold a conversation with The Dragon, Da Vicca calls through 'KD, and is answered by Dave M0IBC, who is stuck in a traffic jam somewhere in Kidderminster. Very soon The Vicar is also stuck in traffic. He postulates that the jam has something to do with Station Hill being closed. Da Vicca moans about our ring road that "starts nowhere, goes nowhere, has decimated decent housing, solves nothing and costs the earth!" He then observes that most of the Dudley occupants relocate to Stourport for the summer. Paul "very nice man" Gee One Dee See You Mobilay joins in via a link, so Da Vicca signs off and KD goes quiet around midday.

G4VVM calls in via echolink - no answer.

At 12:20, M0ABF/M calls G4OCH again - no answer.

Twenty-five minutes later The Vicar is snoozing in a multistorey car park in Kiddy town centre and calls for "any possible contact" - what about impossible ones?

Dave M0IBC is on his way to Arley for a camping trip, and the Vicar gives him directions. Kuith G4OCH says, "Thank heavens for SatNav and MJY" But this was unfounded optimism, because Dave still managed to get lost! One can't help thinking that if he turned off the radio and concentrated on his driving, he might stand a better chance of finding his way. It also proves that SatNav is just an expensive boy's toy, with no practical value. "Turn left and (loud splosh) stop before the unguarded quayside".

The Vicar tells Kuith that Ken has been calling him. Kuith replies that he's been calling Ken on and off since 7:30am!

At 12:50, Jim 2E0CHO calls The Vicar after everyone else has signed off, and they have a QSO. The Dragon returns, bringing The Vicar a lamb and mint pastie. Jim complains that the thought of it is making him feel hungry! The Vicar gets a roasting from The Dragon, when she discovers that he's already had a sausage roll. You should have disposed of that Greggs bag Vicca!

Kuith says The Vicca has double standards - telling Kuith to avoid McDonalds while stuffing meat products himself! All Kuith had for breakfast was two Oatibix with redcurrants. He says the Vicca should have *walked* to town, as it would haved saved all that CO2 emission, and avoided the traffic jams. Hear hear!

The Cradley Heathen says that's rich, the word "walk" coming from Kuith, who considers it a 4 letter swear word. Kuith warns Mark that someone is reporting all this for "Not The KD News". The vicar says "Why do you think we say the things we do!" Kuith replies, "Well in that case, Kuith Dickens is good looking, charming, handsome, and a true Black Country man". He says he's started the Kuith Dickens Black Country Dictionary, but so far the only word in it is "Oldblack". The mnemonic for his callsign therefore is "Oldblack Country Ham"

The Vicar's car keeps dying on him. He says the filter needs changing, but we think it's because he uses it too much.

The Cradley Heathen proudly reveals that he timed out GB3VT last night. The conversation turned to timeout and the fact that people dont want to listen to 10 minute sermons from The Vicar. The Dragon says "If they don't like what they're hearing, they should switch off!" Which is OK on the face of it, but the last thing we need to be doing when there's so little ham activity left is telling people to stop listening to KD.

Completely randomly, Kuith says that he comes from Cape Hill, the "posh part of Smethwick" - although that's a bit of contradictory term. And if Mark thinks Bearwood is rough, what would he think if he could actually see it! Mark impersonates Kuith's accent. The QSO ends when the Vicar gets home and goes in to eat his pasty. Mark's final words are "Kip aht the oss road" (keep out of the road).

G3ZQQ/M calls G4ZIB at 2:05 - no reply

Brian M3IUZ calls 2E0ZDH at 2:30 and is answered by Dave G0IBD/M. Brian was discharged from hospital yesterday, but Dave didn't hear that comment because the cameras in Sedgeley cause QRM which wipes out KD. Dave has got to go in hospital on the 6th of September for a minor op.

The Vicar joins in this "hospital net" and says he's got to go in for a minor op on his wrist - carpal tunnel and 2 trapped nerves. Jim G3ZQQ/M is on his bike near The Lock at Wolverley. The Vicar warns Jim about Wolverley Court Lock being a magical place, which is too close to Madam's QTH. Phil G7FPO in Wednesbury asks the vicar how he is.

At 14:30, G4OCH goes to Catchems End fish shop. He intends to have a piece of fish and take off the batter, by The Vicar advises him to ask for a piece of fish without the batter, as you get a better piece of fish like that. Just a light dusting of flour holds it together. The Vicar says, "You live and learn, even at your age", and Kuith blows him kisses.

G7FPO talks to Kuith. Kuith says, "You wanna hear this lot, they take it out of me. They call me a Brummie and say I'm not handsome". Phil says "If people have a go at you, it shows they care. I'd rather talk to you than about you.

G0HLM calls at 14:40, but gets no reply. Then Ted G0LHH comes on and has a fairly long QSO with G3ZQQ/M who's now at Austcliffe. After Ted leaves, Then Jim talks with a Yank.

Around 5pm, Toby and Bob 2E0XJS discuss bath mats, Radox, slipping over in the bath, Insomnia, early morning lifts (in propogation that is), and brine baths. Ron "Go Crow" G0CRO joins. He's weaker than ever. An "American Gentleman" joins the QSO, and his voice makes the frogs in Marigolds garden croak like mad. Ron says the Droitwich lido has reopened.

This Week's Fatwas

The Vicar and Mark earn a double Fatwa for sounding so miserable, and bringing everyone down.

Letters To The Editor

Please email your letters to Charlotte, at the address below, and clearly state that it is for inclusion in "Letters To The Editor". We reserve the right to edit letters for brevity and taste

From Lyn Pope...
"Hello, Charlotte I have just found your web site, and I like what I read, but I must say that the vicar really keeps me awake when I am driving through the service area of the Kidderminster repeater, It's a great pity that you could not give in to his wishes and extend the time out a little longer, I am getting very frustrated when Toby and Scotti time the repeater out as well."

From Marrian Smith....
hi Charlotte this timout debate is baffleling me, being a mobile user of KD I for one would like the timeout period to be extended. I like the debates with the vicar he surely is a funny person being a man that is. The poor old sole timeout trev is really sad how can you get lost in secret shropshire, sorry Charlotte must go i have 2 more skips to drop off. Please keep Not the KD News up dated I really like it when you rip into these men? 88 Marrian"

Final Comment

Love it? Hate it? Let us know.

Don't forget, we still need photographs of local hams for the KD "rogues gallery" page. We would especially like photos of Paul M0VCO (ex 2E0MHZ), James MW0SGR, Kevin G0TPZ, Mike M3EFL, Bob G1LOP, Keith G4OCH, Lyndon 2E0PPZ, Bob 2E0XJS, Gary M0TTX, Ken M0ABF, Ron G0CRO, Jim 2E0CHO, and John G1STL, plus additional photos of anyone who's already on the page.

If you have any photos, gossip, funny stories about yourself or other rogues, "letters to the editor", or anything else you'd like to get off your chest, please email Charlotte, at